When you’re in a tough season of life—feeling lost, disconnected from yourself, or weighed down by old patterns—self-love can sound like a luxury that’s out of reach. Maybe you’ve tried to “love yourself” the way the internet says you should: with bubble baths, affirmations, or journaling. And while those can be beautiful, real self-love goes deeper.
Self-love is about embracing the full, messy, complicated truth of who you are. Not just the parts of you that feel put together or productive, but also the parts that are anxious, reactive, avoidant, overwhelmed, or hurting.
That’s where Parts Work comes in—a powerful, healing way to relate to yourself more honestly and compassionately. It’s not about fixing yourself. Instead, it’s about understanding yourself. It’s about coming home to who you really are.
What Is Parts Work?
Parts Work (also known as Internal Family Systems, or IFS) is a therapeutic approach based on the idea that we are made up of many different internal “parts.” Think of them like mini-versions of you—each one holding its own thoughts, feelings, and roles.
You might have:
- A perfectionist part that drives you to work hard and never let others down.
- A critical part that tells you you’re not doing enough.
- A younger, hurt part that still feels the sting of old wounds.
- A protector part that keeps you from getting too close to people, just in case.
These parts aren’t flaws. They formed for a reason. Most of them showed up to help you survive difficult things. But when we reject or ignore certain parts of ourselves—especially the ones that feel too emotional, too much, or too needy—we end up feeling fragmented, stuck, or even ashamed.
Parts Work is about learning to recognize, listen to, and care for every part of you. That’s the heart of true self-love.
How Parts Work Can Help You Build Real Self-Love
If you’re feeling like you can’t quite accept yourself as you are—or like there’s a gap between who you want to be and who you are right now—Parts Work can help bridge that. Here’s how:
1. Recognize Your Parts with Curiosity, Not Judgment
The first step is noticing what’s happening inside you. Is there a voice telling you you’re a failure? A part that panics when things feel out of control? Rather than pushing those voices away, try pausing and asking: What part of me is speaking right now?
Self-love starts with curiosity. You don’t have to like every part of you yet. But simply noticing them without judgment is a huge step toward healing.
💬 Try this: “I’m noticing a part of me feels really anxious right now. I wonder what it’s trying to tell me.”
2. Build a Relationship With Your Inner World
Parts Work invites you to befriend your parts, instead of battling them. That critical voice? It might actually be trying to protect you from disappointment. That avoidant part? It may have helped you survive a time when closeness didn’t feel safe.
You can start having real conversations with your parts—asking what they need, offering them reassurance, and letting them know you’re here for them now.
💬 Try this: “Hey, I hear you’re scared. I’m here. You don’t have to handle this alone anymore.”
This is what real self-love looks like: showing up for yourself, over and over again.
3. Reparent the Parts That Still Carry Old Pain
So many of us are walking around with wounded inner parts that were never properly seen, soothed, or supported. Maybe your sadness was dismissed as “too much.” Or your fear was punished. Maybe you learned to hide the most tender parts of yourself to stay safe.
Reparenting is the process of meeting those parts now with the love and care they didn’t get then. You become the safe adult your younger self needed.
💬 Say to that part: “You are safe now. I see you. I’m not going anywhere.”
It’s slow, sacred work. But it’s how you begin to feel more whole and grounded in who you are.
4. Honor Protective Parts Without Letting Them Take Over
You may have parts that try to protect you by being critical, shutting you down emotionally, or keeping people at arm’s length. They mean well—but sometimes their methods are outdated.
Self-love doesn’t mean kicking these parts out. It means thanking them for how they’ve tried to help, and inviting them to trust that there’s another way.
💬 Try this: “Thank you for trying to protect me. But I’ve got this now.”
You get to lead with compassion—not fear.
5. Let Your True Self Lead
At the center of Parts Work is the belief that you have a core Self—calm, compassionate, wise, and loving. This Self isn’t damaged. It doesn’t need to be earned or created. It’s always been there, even if it’s gotten buried under pain, pressure, or perfectionism.
As you get to know your parts, your Self can begin to take the lead. And that’s where deep healing happens. That’s where authentic, unconditional self-love grows.
You Are Not Broken—You’re Beautifully Complex
If you’re in a season where it’s hard to feel connected to yourself—if you feel like you’re constantly fighting parts of who you are—know this: you’re not alone. And you’re not broken.
You’re just made of many parts, all trying to help you in the best way they know how.
Parts Work teaches us that self-love isn’t about liking everything all the time. It’s about making space for all of it. It’s about learning to hold your story, your pain, your hope, and your healing with gentleness.
A Self-Love Practice to Try Today:
Take a quiet moment and ask yourself:
- What part of me is showing up right now?
- Is there something it needs?
- Can I sit with it for a few minutes without trying to fix it?
- What kindness can I offer, just as I would a friend?
This is the work of becoming whole. And you don’t have to do it perfectly. You just have to start. One part, one breath, one moment of compassion at a time.
