“I want to stop rushing through the life I’ve worked to build”
I wrote it down after session; I let it linger all night long. Reminding me of my what my purpose is in the work I do with the women who sit accross from me and my purpose behind my own self-work. I often get the comment, “Wow, how do you do it all?”. And I never lie, I don’t. When you see one thing spinning perfectly in the air it’s because I had to drop another. When I pour into my girls, I neglect things at the office; when I focus on my employees, I have to do less for my clients. I juggle a lot of hats, and I do it pretty well. There is always that point where I put on one too many hats that I start to ask myself – what is this all really for?
We get so caught up that life feels like a show.
Performing in our friendships, our marriages, parenthood, work. The mask we wear gets so comfortable that we don’t even know we are wearing it until it slips. Until someone looks a little too closely. Until we start to feel the “what’s the point”. I don’t like the word high-performing or high-achieving because I think it still tells us that our production is our worth. I like to consider myself ambitiously purpose-driven. There is no need to achieve a lot, I need to follow my purpose, and at times that ambitious following can turn into doing too much and ultimately a performance. The more I focus on acheivement, the more unclear my mission can often become and that is when I get swept up into performing instead of living.
As a therapist, you might want me to say I have it all figured out, down to a science, and below there is a free 5-step guide on how you can figure it out too. But there isn’t. People are nuanced, growth is continuous, and there isn’t a simple algorithm to fix it. The best any of us can do is create a compass. A compass brings us back to ourselves. In order to have a compass, you must know yourself first. Knowing yourself isn’t as easy as answering interview questions, it’s a willingness to really dig into the parts of yourself you have kept hidden because you were taught they were bad.
And the teaching isn’t always trauma; sometimes it’s simple conditioning. As a woman, you are more palatable when you are nice, sweet and appeasing. I have spent years running from the fear of someone calling me difficult, aggressive, blunt. Through the meeting of myself, I have gotten to really love the part of me that can tell it how it is. I have found ways to support her in maybe being a little more compassionately honest than brutally honest. At the end of the day you could ask anyone close to me, it’s usually the part they like the most. They know when they come to me, I will be kind and loving but also honest. It pushes the right people away, it draws the right people in.
We get so caught up in “building the life” that we forget to live it.
We become good at being high-performing, good at taking on the tasks others can’t seem to do. Enjoying being seen for those things isn’t bad, and when it is what gives you purpose you start to lose yourself. I changed the “high-acheiving woman” to ambitiously following my purpose because I didn’t want to continue putting my happiness on how much I acheived. If high-acheiving is a role in my life, it means I have to fulfill it. When I act in my ambition it allows me to find balance in my life. My ambitious purpose is helping people feel seen, heard, and hopeful about what is yet to come. To feel the deep things they have needed to feel, to find acceptance in themselves, and to live, like really live.
Acting in my ambitious purpose allows me to carry this everywhere.
I’m not trying to be a high-achieving mom, I’m trying to be a purpose-driven mom. You aren’t going to see me at every PTA meeting, trick-or-treat outing, making glamorous arts and crafts projects. But you are going to see me ambitiously following my purpose to support my girls in feeling seen, heard, loved, believed in, coached, and empowered.
I’m not trying to be a high-achieving boss, breaking ceilings and doing everything I can to be successful. You are going to see me being an intentional boss. Someone who wants their employees to feel seen and cared for, and who clients find safety with. A business that was built with purpose and intentionality.
The rush through life, the one you have worked so hard to build, comes down to you not knowing yourself, and wanting to achieve more than be who you are and follow your purpose. If our goal is to follow purpose, we can slow down – frankly, we have to slow down. Purpose takes intentionality, focus, patience, time. It tells us we cannot do everything because then we aren’t doing anything. Purpose tells us to look at just a few things and breathe our life into them. When we do that, maybe to some people we may look like the high-achieving woman, but there is a big difference. When we breathe our purpose into what we are doing we create space.
Space to be, space to enjoy, space to breathe.
If any of this resonated and you find yourself saying, ” Yes, I need more of this” – check out Too Busy To Breathe. I wrote from the same spot that you are likely in now, and drove it through my mission of making sure you feel seen, heard, understood, empowered, and know yourself well. Because the more you know and care for yourself, in authenticity, the more light you bring to the world. And we need it now more than ever.
Signed Copy: Too Busy To Breathe
