My legs are shaking, palms are sweaty, heart is racing, breath is shallow. I wonder if I made a big mistake when I signed up for this. In slowing down, I take a few deep breaths. Grounding myself by listening to the birds, trees, and laughter around me. I go around and name everything I can see that’s green to try to acclimate myself to my surroundings. I start and remember I’m in the rainforest – so there’s a lot of green, and that was the worst color I could’ve picked. That thought makes me laugh, and I feel my body relax a little bit. I keep using the regulation skills in my toolbox – knowing they won’t eliminate the fear, but they’ll help make it manageable enough that I can be present and (hopefully) enjoy myself.
I’m scared of heights. As in, really scared of them and have been since I was a kid. A lot of people know this about me, so they were pretty confused when I decided to sign up for a ziplining tour through the rainforest a few months ago. I told everyone the same thing – I don’t ever want fear to stop me from trying things that I want to do. Sure, I’m scared of heights. But I can zipline scared. I can be scared while I’m 600 (!!) feet above the forest floor and still take in what I’m sure is one of the most beautiful views I will ever see with my own two eyes. If I had let my fear stop me, I wouldn’t have that experience or memory, and that would be a shame.
This is the part where my knowledge of the nervous system and brain comes in handy.
I knew what was going on in my body while I was scared up there, so I could gently recognize and name what I was feeling and recognize what my body needed to feel safe in that moment. Before we try something new, our brain is constantly asking: “Is this safe?” It does that to try and protect us (and it’s really good at it!), but when we’re in an unfamiliar situation, our brain can’t predict what will happen next because it doesn’t have any past information to work off of. So, to be on the safe side, our brain often treats uncertainty like a possible threat, even if there isn’t any real danger to us in the moment.
When our brain senses something is new or uncertain, a part of our brain called the amygdala acts like an alarm system and signals to our body to get ready for a dangerous situation. As a result, there are somatic changes that happen: your heart beats faster, your muscles tense up, your breathing gets faster, your palms may get sweaty, or you might notice butterflies in your stomach.
When I was at the beginning of the zipline course, and my heart started racing, my muscles tensed up, my breathing was labored, and my stomach was doing flips, I knew my brain perceived a potential threat. All of these changes were happening in my body (and happening very quickly), the thinking part of my brain was trying to figure out if the situation was actually dangerous or if it was just unfamiliar. The nervous system regulation tools I used in that moment helped quiet my alarm system so that my thinking brain could realize that this was not an actual threat.
You might be wondering – is my alarm system going to go off all the time then?!
The good news is that our brain learns from experience. Each time we try something new and discover that we’re okay, our brain updates that information and files it away for next time. The next time we’re in a similar situation, the alarm is often quieter. Our brain has evidence that we can handle it.
What I’m trying to say here is – Do is scared. Do it nervous. Do it apprehensively.
Too often, we struggle to try new things because it’s outside of our comfort zone. But the reality is, most moments of growth happen outside our comfort zone. The more positive experiences you have with new challenges, the more your brain begins to see the unknown as an opportunity instead of a threat. So if we let fear stop us from venturing outside our comfort zone, we greatly limit our ability to grow. There’s a saying I really like – “A ship in the harbor is safe, but that’s not what ships are built for.” Ships are built to travel outside the harbor. Sometimes navigating through challenging waters, and return to their safe harbor after the trip is complete.
We are meant to grow and expand outside of the safety of our comfort zone – even though it feels uncomfortable. Discomfort around trying new things is normal because it’s unfamiliar. But it’s important to remember that new things feeling unfamiliar does not mean you are incapable. You might just be in the process of growing and expanding your comfort zone. And there’s a lot of really beautiful things on the other side of that comfort zone. When I started that zipline tour, I thought I had made a big mistake. And by the end, I knew the real mistake would have been letting my fear stop me from enjoying what ended up being one of the most amazing experiences of my life. And to think, if I had stayed in my comfort zone, I would’ve missed it.
If you are missing these opportunities in life more than you want to, expansion therapy might be the right fit. We would love to connect with you today to see if we can find the best therapist for you.
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