Far too often, I see phrases like “No Bad Days,” “Good Vibes Only,” or “No Days Off”- they are plastered on social media posts, clothing, coffee mugs, and motivational decor. At first, these messages may feel inspiring and motivating. They encourage people to stay positive, work hard, and keep moving forward.
But what happens when life gets hard?
The truth is that everyone has difficult days. Everyone feels sad, frustrated, disappointed, tired, or overwhelmed at times. Being human means experiencing many different emotions—not just the “good” ones. When we believe we should always be happy, motivated, or productive, we may start to feel like something is wrong with us.
This is where toxic positivity can become a problem.
Toxic Positivity: What is it?
Toxic positivity is the belief that we should focus only on positive emotions and avoid negative feelings. It can sound like,
Just think positive!
Everything happens for a reason.
Hey, look on the bright side!
Don’t be sad.
While these statements are usually meant to be encouraging, they can also send the message to people that their real emotions are not welcome.
Magical Thinking: Avoidance at its finest
Toxic positivity often connects with something called magical thinking. Magical thinking is the belief that if we just think positively enough, we can prevent bad things from happening or make everything work out perfectly in the end. It can also lead people to believe that having negative thoughts or feelings is somehow dangerous or wrong.
The problem is that emotions do not work that way.
Feeling sad does not make you a negative person. Having anxiety does not mean you are weak. Feeling angry does not mean you are a bad person. Emotions are signals- they give information about what is happening inside us and around us.
When people try to avoid difficult feelings all the time, the feelings often become stronger. Ignoring stress does not make it disappear. Pushing away sadness does not automatically create happiness. In fact, constantly pretending everything is fine can leave people feeling exhausted, hopeless, and alone.
The same thing can happen with messages like “No Days Off.” Rest is often treated as something that must be earned rather than a necessity. People may feel guilty for taking breaks, slowing down, or asking for help. However, our minds and bodies need rest to function well. Even as a therapist and working in the field, I can still feel guilty for taking time off of work when needed, prioritizing rest when I have a long “to-do” list when I am feeling exhausted, or cancelling plans when I am feeling ill. The truth is, these societal messages run deep– the first step is being aware of the deeper message.
From Toxic Positivity to True Positivity:
Real positivity is different from toxic positivity.
Real positivity makes room for the full human experience. It says, “This is hard, and I can get through it.” “I am struggling right now, and I deserve support.” It allows both hope and honesty to exist at the same time.
So what can you do if you notice yourself getting stuck in toxic positivity?
First, practice naming your feelings. Instead of saying, “I’m fine,” try asking yourself what you are actually feeling. Are you disappointed? Nervous? Tired? Lonely? Simply naming emotions can help you understand them better, and helps to notice how your body responds when you are feeling different emotions.
Second, remind yourself that all emotions are temporary. You do not have to fix every uncomfortable emotion immediately. Sometimes the healthiest thing you can do is allow yourself to feel it.
Third, give yourself permission to rest. Taking a break is not the same as giving up. Rest helps you recharge so you can continue moving forward in a healthy way.
Fourth, talk to people you trust. Sharing your feelings with supportive friends, family members, or trusted adults can help you feel less alone. Surrounding yourself with people who allow you to show up as your true, authentic self helps challenge toxic positivity.
Finally, try replacing extreme statements with balanced ones.
Instead of
- “No Bad Days,” try “Some days are hard, and that’s okay.”
- “Good Vibes Only,” try “All feelings are welcome.”
- “No Days Off,” try “Rest is necessary for growth.”
Mental health therapy can also help people move away from toxic positivity and build a healthier relationship with their emotions. Therapy provides a safe space to explore difficult feelings without judgment. Rather than teaching people to ignore their struggles, therapy helps them understand and work through them.
A therapist can help you learn healthy coping skills, build self-awareness, and develop motivation that comes from personal values instead of pressure or perfectionism. If you are looking for support to learn helpful tools to navigate toxic positivity in Wisconsin, click this link. True positivity is not about pretending life is always good. It is about trusting yourself to handle life’s ups and downs while staying connected to your authentic thoughts, feelings, and needs.
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