Navigating Grief: How to Manage Losing a Loved One During the Holidays

By: Kassidy Veness, LPC

Losing a loved one is one of the hardest experiences we can face, and the holiday season often makes that loss feel even heavier. If you’re finding it hard to enjoy the holidays this year, or if you’re questioning whether you even want to celebrate, know that you’re not alone. This season can be especially painful when it’s filled with reminders of someone you deeply miss. It’s okay to feel sad, confused, or even angry about how the holidays have changed. Grief doesn’t take a break for the holidays, and it’s completely normal for emotions to feel more intense right now.

Why the Holidays Can Feel So Hard After a Loss

The holidays are often tied to traditions, family gatherings, and special memories. When someone we love is no longer here to share those moments, it can feel like a part of the season is missing, too. Memories of past holidays can bring both comfort and pain, while the thought of creating new traditions might feel overwhelming or even disloyal.

Grief is a complex journey, and it’s not something you just “get over.” Many people expect grief to shrink or fade with time, but the truth is that we grow around it. Grief becomes part of who we are, and we learn how to carry it forward. This time of year, when everything seems focused on joy and togetherness, it’s natural to feel like your grief is magnified. But leaning into those feelings, rather than pushing them away, can help you find a path forward.

How to Cope with Grief During the Holidays

If the holidays feel overwhelming or even unbearable right now, it’s okay to take things one step at a time. Here are some ways to honor your feelings and manage grief during this season:

  1. Acknowledge Your Feelings: It’s okay to not feel okay. Grief often comes in waves, and during the holidays, those waves can feel stronger. Instead of trying to suppress your sadness, give yourself permission to feel it. Journal your thoughts, talk to someone you trust, or simply sit with your emotions. Recognizing what you’re feeling is the first step toward healing.

  2. Create Space to Honor Your Loved One: Finding ways to include your loved one in your holiday traditions can help keep their memory alive. You might light a candle in their honor, set aside a special moment to reflect on happy memories, or include something they loved in your celebration. For example:

    • Cook their favorite holiday dish.

    • Play a song or watch a movie they enjoyed.

    • Share stories about them with family and friends.

    • These small acts can provide comfort and help you feel connected to them during this special time.

  3. Decide What Traditions to Keep (or Let Go Of): It’s okay to reimagine the holidays. If certain traditions feel too painful, give yourself permission to skip or adapt them. On the other hand, holding onto traditions that bring you comfort can also be a way to honor your loved one. There’s no right or wrong way to approach this—do what feels best for you and your healing.

  4. Be Gentle with Yourself: Grief is exhausting, both physically and emotionally. If you feel drained, overwhelmed, or not up for celebrating, that’s okay. Practice self-compassion by setting realistic expectations for yourself. It’s okay to say no to events or responsibilities that feel like too much. Rest when you need to, and remind yourself that it’s okay to take things slow.

  5. Lean on Your Support System: Grief can feel incredibly isolating, but you don’t have to face it alone. Reach out to friends or family members who make you feel supported. Share your feelings with someone you trust, even if it’s just to say, “I’m having a hard time right now.” If you’re struggling to find support, consider joining a grief support group where you can connect with others who understand what you’re going through.

  6. Allow Yourself to Find Moments of Joy: It’s common to feel guilty about experiencing happiness after a loss, but finding moments of joy doesn’t mean you’re forgetting or moving on. Your loved one would likely want you to feel happiness again, even in small ways. Give yourself permission to enjoy a holiday movie, a favorite meal, or a quiet moment by the fire without judgment.

When Will the Sadness Feel Better?

There’s no timeline for grief, and it’s okay if the pain still feels fresh, even years later. The intensity of your feelings will ebb and flow, but over time, you may notice that the waves of grief become less frequent or less overwhelming. Healing doesn’t mean forgetting; it means learning to carry your loved one’s memory in a way that brings more peace than pain.

Be patient with yourself. Healing is a gradual process, and it’s okay to ask for help along the way. If the sadness feels too heavy or if you’re finding it hard to move forward, consider speaking with a therapist who can help you navigate your grief and find ways to cope.

Moving Forward While Honoring the Past

The holidays may never feel the same without your loved one, but they can still hold meaning. By creating space for your grief and finding ways to honor your loved one’s memory, you can begin to reimagine this season in a way that feels right for you. Remember, it’s okay to celebrate differently, to cry, to laugh, or to simply take it one day at a time. Your grief is a reflection of your love, and there’s no wrong way to navigate this journey.

If you’re struggling with how to manage losing a loved one during the holidays, remind yourself that you are not alone. There’s no rush to feel better, and it’s okay to grieve in your own way. With time, support, and self-compassion, you can find a new way to experience the holiday season while keeping your loved one’s memory close to your heart.

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