Coping with the Holidays
By: Kendra Bittner, LPC
It’s the most wonderful time of the year…or at least that’s the expectation. Between the media, family, and friends there is a lot of pressure for these next 6 weeks to be the most magical. The reality is a lot of us have leaned into coping with the holidays and the stress they bring.
Some Years Are Magical, Some Are Both and Some Frankly Suck
Sometimes coping with the holidays includes managing stressful family dynamics, the loss of a loved one, pressure with the end of the year, finances, job stress, illness, your relationship with food, or maybe traditions changing. The first step is to acknowledge where you are at this season.
It can be overwhelming trying to figure out what you need and how to cope. A lot of times we ruminate, trying to predict the conversations that might happen. What that usually leads to is more anxiety and walking into the holidays with more stress because we are on guard.
We have found that during this time therapy can be a lifesaver in bringing more balance of the hard and joyful to the holiday season. These are the skills that we have found to be most helpful when coping with the holidays:
Setting Boundaries
Having a plan for how long you attend a gathering / leaving at a certain time
Saying no to too many obligations:
“I appreciate the offer, I need to focus on recharging during this time.”
“I won’t be able to attend but let’s plan something at a later date.”
“I will stop by for about an hour, I look forward to seeing you.”
“I’m working on creating more balance in my life, so I won’t be able to ___.”
You don’t have to respond right away if you feel pressured try saying, “Let me get back to you by ____.”
Other potential boundaries needed
“I’m not willing to discuss (insert topic here, weight/body image, future plans, identity, political affiliation, etc.)
Breathing Exercises Options
Breath in for 3, out for 3 -repeat
Breath in for 3, out for 5 or in for 4, out for 6 -repeat
Square breathing: in for 4, hold for 4, out for 4, hold for 4 -repeat
Grounding exercise 5-4-3-2-1
5 things you see
4 things you hear
3 things you can feel/touch
2 things you can smell
1 thing you can taste
Cold water
Taking a step away when feeling overwhelmed to splash cold water on your face, use an ice pack/cold wash rag
You could also step outside and breathe in the cool Wisconsin air
Self-Care/Calming Activities
Engaging in enjoyable/calming activities that are relaxing before and after the Holidays – some examples
Listen to music
Journal
Take a bath/hot shower/skin care routine
Light a candle
Use essential oils
Snuggle your pet
Read
Watch your favorite TV show/movie
Talk with a friend
Color
Knit/crochet
Go for a walk
Yoga
Make something delicious to eat
Take a social media break
Supports
It can be helpful to express to your trusted supports how they can support you during the Holidays.
Having them check in with you
Being present with you at a gathering
Reminding you of calming skills to use
Doing calming skills with you
Using coping skills can be helpful to regulate our emotions during stressful events to keep us grounded. You still may experience intense emotions especially if someone is not respectful of your boundaries. You are doing the best that you can during this season and taking care of yourself is the most important!