Embracing Self-Compassion: Navigating Big Emotions and Imperfect Healing
Even as a therapist, it can be hard some days to have self-compassion. We teach it, we know it, we remind clients of it daily and sometimes we forget to include ourselves in the picture. As a therapist I strive to build insight and awareness, staying curious and open to my own blind spots. But the truth is, we’re human too.
Recognize When You're Not Practicing What You Preach
There are times when I catch myself doing the exact opposite of what I advise my clients to do. I always encourage facing anxieties and challenges head-on, but there are moments when I find myself wanting to pull away and isolate. Healing isn’t about being perfect. It's about recognizing those moments when we act against our best interests and getting curious about why.
Identify Your Triggers
When I start feeling overwhelmed, like I'm running behind and will never catch up, I take a step back to reflect. What’s pushing me into survival mode? What's from my past is causing this stress now? I don't try to fix it right away; I try to understand what I might need in the moment. It’s important for us to pay attention to what our cues are because everyone’s will be different. What are some of the main messages you tell yourself or you feel when you are shifting into a self-critical space?
Understand Your Unhealthy Habits
We often understand our unhealthy habits logically. These habits have protected us for a long time and were the only way we knew how to stay safe when we were younger. But emotionally, it’s easy to get stuck in spirals of self-criticism: not doing enough, not being good enough, not healing fast enough. We compare ourselves to others and, worse, to our past selves when things were better. Taking notice of these and building awareness is the catalyst for change - we can’t do anything different if we don’t know any different.
Practice Self-Compassion
Self-compassion is hard. We live in a world of constant comparison, and when we've been raised to value achievement, struggling feels like failure. Even as a therapist, equipped with all the logical understanding, I find self-compassion challenging in tough moments. When I notice my struggles and self-criticism, I work on stepping back and identifying the younger parts of myself that are feeling frantic. Leaning in and nurturing what we didn’t receive when we were young is often and easy way to start building compassion. It isn’t about agreeing or approving, instead validating and understanding.
Connect with Your Inner Self
Connecting with the part of us that's activated makes it easier to offer compassion. It’s hard to understand why something feels overwhelming one week when it seemed easy the week before, until we realize it’s not our adult self being triggered. These parts of us don’t need more invalidation; they need acceptance, understanding, and compassion.
Remember You Deserve Compassion
The moments when it's hardest to give ourselves compassion are the moments we need it the most. Each week, each day, each moment isn't about perfection or being perfectly healed. It’s about meeting ourselves where we are and taking care of ourselves in that space. Healing isn't about never being triggered again; it's about having a different, more caring relationship with ourselves when we are triggered.
Have some compassion for yourself. Life has hard moments where you've done the best you can to survive. The more you can recognize when you're in survival mode or being triggered by something from the past, the quicker you can move to compassion and understanding, and reconnect with your present-day self. Then, you can face what's right in front of you in a way that feels most authentic.