Getting Unstuck - How Our Past Impacts Our Present & How to Find Ourselves Again
Feeling lost and stuck in life can be overwhelming, especially when you don’t understand how your past might be influencing your current feelings. A lot of times we believe or are told that your past is in the past so it shouldn’t impact your anymore. In reality - our present is based on our past. It is how our minds and bodies learn to prevent hard things, navigate hard things and react.
The problem is that if this is coming from an unprocessed place in our past, it usually isn’t helping us in the present the way we need it to. Trauma can make us feel isolated and disconnected from ourselves and others. There are ways to find yourself again and free yourself from your past.
Understanding Trauma
Trauma is a loaded word and big in pop psychology right now. Trauma is anything that did or did not happen that overwhelmed our bodies at the time. This means something is more easily traumatic even if seemingly small, when we are younger because we are not developmentally advanced enough to handle much. It often leads to a disconnection with ourselves, our environment and forces us to act in a way against who we are in order to survive.
Trauma can manifest in physical and psychological symptoms, often with delayed reactions that linger long after the traumatic event. It impacts our brain and body, putting our nervous system on high alert to protect us from perceived threats. This state can manifest as anxiety, hyperarousal, irritability, dissociation, sadness, or depression.
There are "big T" traumas (life-threatening events) like sexual abuse, homicide, and death, and "small t" traumas (less obvious but still impactful) like growing up in a household with a lot of yelling, breakups, financial worries, bullying, and infidelity.
Reconnecting with Yourself After Trauma
Healing from trauma involves reconnecting with yourself, processing your losses through grief work, setting boundaries for emotional preservation, and building resilience. This journey can be challenging to undertake alone, so seeking support from a trained therapist and having a supportive network of friends, family, or comforting objects can be very helpful.
Reconnection can take time, it is a slow unraveling at times, but it is one that is worth it. Your joy is worth your time.
Therapeutic Approaches to Healing
There are various therapeutic approaches to healing trauma, and bottom-up approaches can be particularly beneficial. These focus on the body, the felt sense, and our responses, working from the brainstem upward to impact the limbic and cortical areas of the brain. Some effective modalities include brainspotting, EMDR, art therapy, dance therapy, and somatic therapies. It is important that you are working with someone who has a focus on body based therapies. Your brain cannot simply think it’s way through trauma, let’s be honest if it could you would have already been successful.
Creating Safety
The first step in trauma work is finding safety, both physically and emotionally. Trauma can pull us out of a safe space, so it's essential to identify a comforting place where you can process your feelings. This could be a cozy room, a spot in nature, or surrounding yourself with comforting items like weighted blankets, grounding objects, calming music, or a private journal. You can also practice regulation exercises like deep breathing and grounding techniques. Safety might only come in fleeting moments, that is okay. Finding a moment here and there to build safety gives you the opportunity to build on it.
Processing Grief and Loss
Next, it's important to work through the grief and loss associated with the trauma. Grieving involves accepting your new life post-trauma. Allowing yourself time to process the pain helps you gain a sense of agency over your body. Be patient with yourself during this process. We call this part mourning. Mourning who you could have been, who you used to be, the innocence that you have lost in life. Mourning doesn’t mean it is all going to be better but it allows you the opportunity to start walking the path you want to.
Exploring Your Emotions
Try this exercise to connect with your emotions: What are you feeling right now? Take time to notice and explore these emotions deeply. What sensations do you feel in your body? Discomfort? Tightness? Warmth? Where in your body do you feel these sensations? Notice them without judgment and allow them to be present. This practice, called embodiment, helps you reconnect with your body and understand where your emotions manifest physically.
Connecting with Younger Parts of Yourself
Trauma can bring out younger parts of ourselves, and a therapist can help navigate this. If you notice yourself behaving in unusual ways (more impulsive, chaotic, needing reassurance), be curious about what you might need. Do you need connection with others, more play, or fun in your life? Try to fulfill these needs for yourself.
Setting Boundaries
Exploring and establishing boundaries is crucial for healing. What might be preventing you from feeling safe or secure? Are you overwhelmed with taking on too much? Setting emotional, physical, intellectual, sexual, financial, or spiritual boundaries can aid in your growth. Start small and be flexible as needed. Although tough at first, setting boundaries will become easier with practice.
Building Trust and Resilience
Learning to trust yourself again after trauma is vital. Listen to your body and its needs, and nourish yourself fully. With reconnection, grief work, boundary setting, and safety, you can start to cultivate trust and resilience once more.
If you want to learn more or need help with your trauma, please reach out for support.