How to Support My Partner Who Is Grieving
Navigating Grief Together: A Guide for Partners
When someone we love is grieving, it can be complicated to know how to support them, especially when their sadness is so deep. I faced this challenge when my partner lost a dear friend, Tom, in March 2024. The grief was overwhelming for both of us, and I found myself wondering how I could help. In moving through this myself, I found some things to be most supportive to my partner.
Resist the Urge to Fix Everything
It's natural to want to take away your partner's pain, but sometimes, just being there is the best thing you can do. Trying to fix their grief actually starts to tell people that they need to hide their true feelings from you and maybe even that they are feeling to much. Instead, focus on being present and letting them know it's okay to feel whatever they’re feeling. And you might have to give yourself the reminder too.
Be There and Listen
Sometimes, your partner just needs you to sit with them in their sadness. My partner would often pause whatever we were doing to share stories about Tom. I learned that listening without trying to solve anything was incredibly powerful. Saying things like, "Tom was a great friend" or "I can see why you miss him so much" can show that you’re really hearing them. And those moments allow for your partner to sit in joy and grief at the same time.
Respect Their Beliefs About Loss
Grief is deeply personal, and everyone handles it differently. My partner and I have different beliefs about death and what comes after. It was important for me to meet him where he was and respect his ways of honoring Tom’s memory. Talking about these beliefs can help you understand what they need and how you can support them better.
Encourage Connection with Others
Grief can feel isolating, but connecting with others who understand the loss can be comforting. Encourage your partner to reach out to family, friends, or support groups. Attending memorial services or talking to a therapist can also provide valuable support. Remind them that they don’t have to go through this alone.
Supporting a grieving partner is about being patient, empathetic, and present.
By resisting the urge to fix things, being there to listen, respecting their beliefs, and encouraging connections with others, you can help your partner through their grief. Remember, it’s okay to feel lost sometimes—what matters most is your willingness to be there for them.
Your love and presence can make a world of difference, even when you don’t have all the answers.
A few grief resources:
https://good-grief.org/resources/