Rediscovering Yourself During Motherhood
By Kala Gattuso, LCSW
The first 3 months of motherhood often feel like a blur. No matter what stage, first-time mom or seasoned mom you are transitioning roles. You are getting little sleep and trying to figure out the individual needs of this tiny new human.
You hear from so many people how blessed you are, and sometimes you feel that way.
But other times you feel overloaded, overwhelmed, and maybe a little on edge of what your future may hold.
It can be easy to lose ourselves in the mix of trying to endlessly care for our new baby and trying to balance meeting their needs along with our own. Our identity quickly gets wrapped in being a mom, it often becomes the first way we identify ourselves to others when they ask about us.
How do you identify yourself with others?
Is it how you would like to, or have you forgotten what things you care for, and have merged your whole identity with being a mom?
Some of the signs showing a need for finding yourself again may include;
Feelings of hopelessness
Neglecting own physical, spiritual, and emotional needs
Forgetting self-hygiene routines
Not feeling like yourself
Disconnection from friends and supportive others
Some of our fears around motherhood can deplete our emotional energy and allowance for time for ourselves. Our fears about our parenting are often rooted in our own childhood. You might notice that you are:
Worrying about being too attached to your child and it might create an anxious attachment later in life
Worrying about being too little attached, and what effects this may have on their future
Worrying about discipline and what line is appropriate
Adding mother into your identity but not having it become your identity is hard.
Allow yourself to make YOURSELF a priority. I know, you have probably heard it one million times and I know it isn’t easy. However, you cannot be your most authentic and present self to your family if you aren’t connected to yourself.
Reflect on what things you used to enjoy, what things you would like to do, and areas that have been neglected. Have you been forgoing those relaxing baths that you love? Has it been a while since you’ve connected with others? Maybe even just taking a walk without the baby and animals?Connecting with the right group of mom friends can also help remind us: we aren’t alone, this is hard for a lot of us and supports us in knowing when we might need some additional support.
Reflecting on your fears of motherhood
Fears are normal - and when they start to rule our day or take over our intuition as a mother they get in the way of us enjoying motherhood. Many moms start doing deeper work in therapy once they become a mother. Motherhood shines a light on the areas of our life that might need some healing. It’s notaa bad thing, it’s not something you need to work through before motherhood. And if you are noticing it, it’s time to do something about it.
Motherhood is a gentle duality that includes taking part of ourselves to provide and nurture for our babies. AND we also must apply this nurturing to ourselves.
**If you are having symptoms of increased anger and irritability, lack of interest in your baby, crying and sadness, loss of joy and pleasure in things you used to enjoy, you may be suffering from postpartum depression and/or anxiety, and there is help!
Below are resources for connection with other moms, peer support and education on motherhood and postpartum mood and anxiety disorders and sources for help;
https://momsmentalhealthmke.org/
https://www.samhsa.gov/find-help/national-helpline
https://www.dhs.wisconsin.gov/mch/pncc-mental-health-resources.htm