Overwhelmed, Overloaded and Tapped Out
By: Patrice Flanagan-Morris, LCSW
Overwhelmed, Overloaded, Tapped Out
If you clicked on this, there’s a good chance you’re thinking, “That’s me.” Maybe not all the time, but definitely more often than you’d like. Feeling overwhelmed, overloaded, and tapped out is common—so common, in fact, that it might seem normal. But just because something feels normal doesn’t mean that’s how it’s supposed to be. Sure, life gets stressful, but if you’re living in a constant state of overwhelm, it’s probably time to try a different approach.
And no, despite what you might have been told growing up, life doesn’t have to suck until you die.
The truth is, the first step out of overwhelm is actually stepping into it. If you don’t understand what’s happening in your body and mind, it’s hard to know what to do. We tend to push through until we collapse, but there’s a better way—starting with tuning into what your body is telling you.
Your Body’s Built-In Survival System
Let’s talk about your nervous system. It’s designed to keep you alive, no matter what. It’s great at its job, but it doesn’t always know the difference between real danger (like a tiger chasing you) and everyday stress (like a packed grocery store). Your body reacts the same way to both.
Deb Dana’s Polyvagal Ladder is a helpful way to understand your nervous system and figure out how to work with it—not against it. Let’s break it down:
Dorsal Vagal: The Shutdown Zone
When your nervous system decides that fight or flight isn’t an option, it hits the brakes—hard. Think of a possum playing dead to avoid a predator. For us, this can look like feeling numb, disconnected, or totally tapped out.
If you’re spending a lot of time in this “shut down” mode, it’s likely because your body has been stuck in anxiety for so long that it needs a break. Your system is saying, “We’re done here—time to conserve energy.”
The good news? You can move out of this state.
The tricky part? It might feel a little more intense at first (hello, anxiety) as you come back online. But stick with it—it’s worth it.
Quick Tips to Reboot from Dorsal Vagal:
Breathe differently: Hyperventilate (yes, really) for about 20 seconds, then take 3 deep breaths. Repeat this 3 times.
Move your body: Walk briskly, do a few jumping jacks, or—if that feels like too much—just imagine yourself moving. Visualization can still activate those brain areas.
Lightly tap your chest: Make a fist and gently tap your sternum for 30 seconds to nudge your system back into action.
Sympathetic: Fight or Flight on Overdrive
This is your nervous system in go-mode. It’s the part that gears you up for action—whether it’s running from a tiger or braving the grocery store on a Saturday afternoon.
In this state, your mind races to find meaning in everything, often creating more stress. Thoughts like, “Everyone’s staring at me” or “I can’t handle this—it’s too much” take over.
Here’s the thing: trying to think your way out of anxiety in this state usually backfires. Instead, focus on your body first. Once you’ve calmed your system, your mind will be more open to reason.
Quick Tips to Chill Out from Sympathetic:
Cool it down: Use an ice pack or splash cold water on your face. Hold it to your forehead for 10 seconds, breathe deeply, and repeat.
Breathe smarter: Focus on exhaling longer than you inhale. No need to count—just make sure your out-breaths are a little longer.
Ventral Vagal: The Sweet Spot
This is where we thrive. In ventral vagal, we feel safe, connected, and grounded. Grocery stores become just grocery stores. You can smile at strangers, wait patiently in line, and find joy in the little things.
Quick Tips to Anchor in Ventral Vagal:
Slow down and breathe: Think of something (or someone) that makes you happy—like a picture of your dog or a silly video of your kid—and let yourself feel that connection.
Start a gratitude practice: Jot down what you’re thankful for, and really focus on how those things make you feel.
The Goal: Flexibility, Not Perfection
It’s easy to think the goal is to stay in ventral vagal all the time, but that’s not realistic. Life happens. Stress happens. The real goal is flexibility—being able to move through different states without getting stuck.
It’s about learning to notice when you’re in overwhelm and finding your way back to a more grounded place. Some days, that might look like a few deep breaths and a smile in the checkout line. Other days, it might mean asking for help.
The key is building compassion for yourself wherever you are. Stressful moments will come, but with practice, you’ll spend less time stuck in survival mode and more time feeling connected and present.
If you’re finding it hard to navigate this process on your own, that’s okay. Sometimes we need someone else—a therapist, a friend, a partner—whose nervous system is a little more grounded to help guide us back to safety.
At Empowerment Within, we specialize in helping people work with their nervous systems to find more peace, compassion, and connection. If you’re ready to move through the stress instead of staying stuck in it, we’re here to help.